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Part of why I've had writers block is that I pretty much said everything I would say here in my previous post about the night we met. The only thing I might add is that the second year is much more interesting than the first and doesn't seem to go by quite as fast (but still too fast!). We were told in our pre-marriage counseling that during the first year of marriage the two individuals are still more individuals and are basically feeling things out. There's alot of give and take and pushing boundaries to figure out where your individual life stops and where your joint life begins. I can say wholeheartedly that we experienced that in our first year, compounded by the fact that Kirby spent quite a bit longer than average as a bachelor! Not blaming him for anything in particular, just stating a fact. The longer you live as only an individual the harder it is to adjust to having a life that is shared with another person. I know my being an only child didn't help with my adaptation either!
The second year is where you start to feel more subconsciously married because you begin to settle into the patterns, routines and roles that were set out in the first year. I can also state that this is true. I don't know exactly when it happened, but sometime over the last year I felt married for the first time--mentally, physically, spiritually. I realized that I have a life partner, not just a roommate, boyfriend, friend or whatever. Someone who is there for me and supports me--and bluntly--is there to call me on my shit, too. When facing "forever" with someone, things you might have let slide (or gotten away with) when you are just dating no longer cut it. On the other hand, things that might have really set you off before don't seem as big a deal anymore. I was somewhat disappointed that right after we got married I didn't feel any different. For the longest time everything felt the same. Finally, this year things are starting to feel different and I know that will continue to evolve over the years to come. There is a richness to the dynamic that develops between two people who have sworn before God to live as one.
It also feels like we are beginning to be our own "family." Of course we have no kids, none on the way, and none planned for the near future, and I'm sure that inhibits some of the family feeling a couple might have. We've started our own traditions, had the in-laws stay at our house when they visited, done things with each other's extended families, etc... that finally make us feel like a separate unit from the larger family groups. He's also taken an active "parenting" role with Rocky, and now we've adopted Adrian, so even without human kids we've got our own little family of four!
But I named the blog "Cotton" because that is the traditional gift for the 2nd anniversary. I did not get a cotton gift this year, but I didn't get paper last year unless you count the money it cost to go to Florida! Ha! Since we have opposite views of what constitutes a good time we've decided to alternate years picking the anniversary activity. This year we rented a pontoon boat at Center Hill Lake. It was a blast for us both! For the first time in a long time we were both able to let loose, enjoy ourselves and play around like big kids! We didn't worry about work, chores, the dogs or anything else that clutters our daily lives and it was fantastic! It didn't cost a ton of money and it didn't require much travel which really cut down on the stress. The large amount of beer we consumed that day probably helped some, too!
I also had some more "intimate" pin-up pictures taken a few weeks ago, and had some prints made which I put in a book for him. I had the shoot scheduled last month, but due to some unforeseen circumstances had to cancel and was fortunate enough to get them done just in time! He had a game on Monday night (the actual date of our anniversary) and when we got home we just hung around for a while and went up to bed. I turned my light out and he reached across me and said, "Happy Anniversary," as he handed me what I thought was the remote control to the TV. I was just about to say, "I don't want the remote," when I looked down and noticed it was not the remote but a box. He had gotten me a necklace I mentioned wanting a few weeks ago made by one of our friends who makes wonderful, beautiful jewelery! I was beyond excited, and not just because it was jewelery or even something he knew I wanted--although that was nice--but because Kirby is not a "good" gift giver. He sure tries and always manages to get me something I wanted, but I got one of my Christmas presents in March this year while I was with him to pick it out! So not only had he remembered something I mentioned in passing, he went to the trouble to get it without my knowing, ON TIME, and surprise me with it! The effort and sheer departure from the norm for him really meant alot! In this case his actions spoke louder than his words or the actual item. Just when I think I have him all figured out he surprises me again!
And that basically sums up the whole of our marriage thus far...surprising each other with what we can and will do for one another, as much as the things we won't. Marriage isn't always fantastic and romantic but it isn't always terribly drudgery either. For two hard-headed, stubborn as oxen individuals we have learned the art of compromise and how important the little things can be. So, now that I'm the one who's late on the anniversary bandwagon here...here's to another great, fun, exciting and educational year! I'm looking forward to my leather gift next year.
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